一月
2008
西施、昭君、細腰和阿美
音樂好不好聽是很難說的，因為它沒有測量的標準。我們無法用血壓計包住一張CD，「噗滋噗滋噗滋噗滋——咻……」量出它的高好聽值和低好聽值，也無法用數字在專輯背面標示「…(2)香草的天空 - 200卡 (3)Cold Silence - 100卡 (4)花火 - 350卡…」等等。
因此，音樂好不好聽並不是絕對的。所謂「情人眼裡出西施」，只要你願意，它就可以好聽。
唱片公司花了很多心思，想讓自家歌手變成很多歌迷眼中的西施。然而有人或許會問：「何必這麼辛苦？找到真正的西施不就好了嗎？」
嗯，如果事情就是這麼簡單。
☉ ☉ ☉
首先讓我們來看看昭君的故事。
昭君的問題在於不識時務。她對自己的美太有自信，並認定該面試人員只是個毋需在意的小咖，因此對他不太客氣。沒想到這位面試人員的頭銜正是「毛總監」，對昭君的無禮非常感冒，便偷偷用photoshop裡的畫筆工具在昭君照片的臉上點了顆直徑35像素的大痣。
可想而知，在一堆被修成大眼妹的宣傳照裡，昭君的檔案是直接丟進資源回收桶的那種。這個故事告訴我們的是（切換成毛總監的語音）：「對 你 最 棒 。 那 又 怎 樣 ？」
（不過昭君後來被交易到西域唱片，卻在那裡當上一姐；這也告訴我們：「不要放棄得太早喔！」）
☉ ☉ ☉
細腰則是另一個可憐的角色。
在某個叫深白的不負責任的詞曲作者杜撰的歷史裡，細腰是楊貴妃的表妹。顧名思義地細腰的腰很細，因此在流行豐腴之美的唐代，細腰的美是屬於非主流的，在排行榜前二十名出現過幾次之後就消失了。
當然細腰也想過跟隨潮流，吃胖一點；然而天生體質就是胖不起來的她吃了半天，反而因為胖得不均勻而變成四不像的身材，最後只能安分地當個非主流美人抑鬱而終。
☉ ☉ ☉
不過，要說到歷史上最可憐的美人，應該要算是阿美了。
什麼？誰是阿美？沒錯，這就是阿美悲哀的地方：明明是個美人，卻可惜生長在一個偏遠的小農村裡；貧苦的老父開不出預算，因此電視沒播過電台沒放過報紙沒登過孤狗百度都搜尋不到。可憐阿美的父母幸運地生了個美人女兒，又辛辛苦苦地養大她，卻因為沒錢作宣傳，而在沒人察覺的狀況下就「過去了」；當代的人不知道，後世的人不記得。
☉ ☉ ☉
美人，真的不是人美就好呢！
然而，身在現代的阿美們是幸運的，因為距離被歷史的巨輪碾過還有好一段時間。因此，繼續努力吧，阿美們！
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